Comedy Nights With Kapil Jokes

- Kapil Sharma and a Girl were standing on a Bus Stop
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Lipstick
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Top and Jeans
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Earrings
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace
Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA…
Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai… !!


- Kapil (to wife): Tere baap ki Jale par namak chhidakne ki aadat gayi nahin na?
Sumona: Kyun? Ab kya hua??
Kapil: Aaj Phir se puchh raha tha… “Meri beti se shaadi karke khush to ho na?”

- Sumona: How much do you love me ?
.
.
Kapil: I love U so much, I can’t measure.
.
.
Sumona: No just tell me….
.
.
Kapil : Okay, I am like a cellphone &
you are my SIM card, i am nothing
without you…
.
.
Sumona: Wow ! that’s so romantic…
.
.
Kapil (saying to himself): Thank God
she doesn’t know, this is a Chinese
phone, with FOUR SIM cards.